Yesterday in a moment of weakness, I bought a bag of these evil chocolate orbs. I was able to resist the 18 oz bag in favor of a 10 oz bag; but really, they should sell them in pre-packaged 100 calorie portions.. Who am I kidding? I would just eat the whole bag, 100 pre-packaged calorie at a time.
It is all my sister-in-law, Katie’s fault. I was visiting her and my brother about a month ago and prior to going to see them I had been working very diligently on a specific ‘sugar and flour are evil’ diet. In spite of that diligence, my success to that point had been limited (I had not gained any additional weight) but I was steadfastly adhering to the plan finding alternative ways to satisfy my very small sweet tooth. Those who know me can attest; I can resist most sweets, chocolate included. My weakness is on the savory side. I can eat an entire bag of salt and vinegar potato chips and if I have a craving it is usually something in that family. This diet has depraved me of that too, and so I think I was especially vulnerable. Katie is the opposite, she always has a variety of chocolate stashed all over their house. One night, I noticed an open bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs tucked next to Katie’s laptop on the couch. I picked up the bag and asked my brother if I should put it away so that their new puppy didn’t get into it. He said that Katie and the dog had gone to bed and she would absolutely retrieve it before she left for work in the morning. I read the nutritional panel to see how many I might be able to eat without upsetting the delicate balance between gaining, and not gaining, any weight on my weight loss diet. I calculated I could eat 9 and still be ‘OK’. I don’t recall eating the 9 eggs. Maybe I dreamed it; 5 more wouldn’t hurt. This would have continued until the bag was completely empty except that my guilt for stealing Katie’s chocolate and pride in being able to resist was a teensy bit stronger that day than my temporary addiction to the hard candy coated chocolates. I went to bed. Far away from the bag. But only after grabbing one more little handful for the road.
Here I am, back at home, one month later, and I have only gained 3 pounds on my sugar and flour free wight loss diet. The diet book says you shouldn’t plan to stay on this restricted part for very long because you will grow tired of the restrictions. It has been 3 months. 2 1/2 months longer than they suggest; also because it my not be good for you to loose weight so fast, for that long. Um, yea. I decide that maybe I am one of those people who really does need to add exercise to ‘diet’ in order to lose weight, so, Monday I took a walk. I walked up to the coffee shop and bought a scone and a cookie. If I spread them out over several days, I rationalized, it will be fine. They were both almost gone before I got home. Tuesday; new day. Walked for an hour but the return route took me back by the coffee shop. Darn, I have just enough money for a cookie and a scone. I hurry home because I need to run an errand and forget about the cookie and scone…. Because….All the way to the store I am thinking about Cadbury Mini Eggs. They must be on sale..it is almost Easter. I find the 18 oz bag and walk away in disgust. No way do I want that much chocolate in my house. I almost get out of the store and I see a smaller bag by the checkout. Damn!
I only ate 12 on the way home, counting them and still thinking of a way to stay on my ‘Oh-So-Successful’ diet. Once home, I ate another 15 while I was fixing dinner..oh hell, I really wasn’t even counting by that time. After dinner, I hid them from myself. It actually has worked a couple of times in the past with other things, but I underestimated the pull of the complex pleasure of sucking on the hard candy coating until the chocolate begins to soften and then you have to just smash it all in your mouth. Myself found the bag again two more times before I went to bed. I really tried to resist. I even ate two sugar free jello cups to distract myself. Because those are sooooo satisfying…
This morning when I got up, I new what I had to do. There was still half a a bag of those damn eggs left. I couldn’t keep them. I had to get them out of the house or I would crush the rest of the bag before nightfall. I couldn’t just throw them away; I didn’t trust myself not to try to retrieve them. Fortunately, my sense of dignity is stronger than my addiction. I had to find a safe place to leave them where I knew they would be cared for and loved. I tied the bag with a bow and wrote a note to my neighbor Elaina and explained that I could no longer keep the eggs. I asked her to enjoy them and care for them as she would her own. My note stopped short of explaining the sucking and melting part; she is from Russia and surely savoring chocolate is international, but obviously a very personal thing. She will figure it out. I left the note and the bag on the steps to her apartment and I know before nightfall my Cadbury Mini Eggs will have a new home.
Maybe this was a good thing. I can renew my vows with my diet and maybe this lapse has somehow reset my metabolism and my resolve. I will take a walk this afternoon in the opposite direction of the coffee house and work off some of those chocolate egg calories. After I eat that scone fried up with a little butter. Butter is a free food on this diet. I know it will work, if I just stick to it.